Things are happening...

I haven't posted anything for awhile because for some reason I keep thinking I have nothing to say... so tonight I decided I'm going to write something anyway.

I've had a busy and interesting week, full of all kinds of art and music. I'm writing music again which is amazing. I love writing music, but it seems that apart from God, I can't do it. I just don't feel like writing anything. Now that I'm making an effort to seek the Lord every day, I'm more inspired to play and write music.

Again, God is really good! If you read my last post, you kind of have an idea of what's been going on in my life and how the Lord's been telling me to stop feeling like nothing and be happy with whatever's going on.

Well, I got a call yesterday from a friend who lives around the corner and has a business installing windows. I've worked for him twice in the past, and didn't want to ask for a job again because I had a rough time last year and kind of let him down on a few occasions. But he asked me to go back, and I feel like the timing is pefect. I've been home for a month, and I think I'm really making progress with learning to be content... now I'm just getting bored. I'm going to have to learn to manage my time better, because I do want to be very productive with my creative abilities, but I also really want to work.

I have a lot (this is the part I want to emphasize)... A LOT... of debt that's gotten out of hand, and I've never really managed my money well. Someone from the bank called me last week and asked me to come in and talk to him about saving and rebuilding credit. My appointment was yesterday. I almost cancelled because I didn't feel like talking to someone about savings when I don't have any to save right now. But I decided that I should go, to at least discuss what I can do in the future. It was about 20 minutes before my appointment that I got a call about the job. So I went into the bank and was able to say I'm going back to work, and I set up a savings plan.

Praise God! I love how things just fall into place when I'm trusting Him. It makes me wonder how there are still times when I doubt and worry.

Can These Bones Live?

Today I got fed up. I'd had enough. I've been home for three weeks waiting for some clarity for my situation. For those who don't know, I'm not driving right now and we live outside of town... so I can't get a job yet. But I haven't just been waiting. I KNOW there's some purpose to this difficult time. I know that I need to learn to appreciate my talents and use them, instead of thinking they're just hobbies. I need to become ME and not who I think I should be. So I've been working on that (my art, music and all things creative), and I've been working for my parents to give me something to do.

Today I got impatient. I started to feel like nothing... like the dirt in the corner of the shed behind a box of Reader's Digest condensed books or something. So, fool that I can be sometimes, I felt a bit sorry for myself and started worrying about my life. Jesus said we shouldn't do that, and I'm learning he was right (as always).

I prayed... or whined. I'm not sure which one. I did something that involved telling God that I've been home for three weeks, which clearly he already knew. And I told him it was such a long time and I still have no idea what to do and I feel like nothing (clearly I haven't learned the lesson I'm supposed to learn yet - see above). And as soon as I told God this, there was a picture in my mind of bones. I sat there confused, looking at the bones I was seeing in my mind and thought it didn't make any sense. But just as I started to think it didn't make any sense, I knew God was speaking to me, and I thought he probably wasn't telling me I was dead meat or anything like that... and I remembered that there was some famous story about bones in Ezekiel (I haven't read that book yet, so I looked it up). It's Ezekiel 37:1-14. Read it! Seriously, it's amazing. If you're reading this and you don't have a Bible, go to biblegateway.com to read it. I don't want to explain it because I won't do it justice.

I knew once I read it that God was trying to tell me it doesn't matter if I think I'm a pile of dirt, or a pile of bones in the backyard leftover from my cat's last meal.

These bones CAN live! My life is not as I see it in times of distress. It has potential. God sees it as a work in progress. He sees all of us that way. He sees so much more than the dry, lifeless bones. He doesn't even see a walking skeleton. He intends to do so much more with our lives when we let him, and I know he's working on me now. Where I am at this point is part of the process.

I would even go so far as to say that when we're feeling low, when we feel like nothing, God sees the end result. Because he cares so deeply for us, he sees the masterpiece - whatever it is he's creating with our lives, and he looks forward to it coming to pass. Maybe I should try to think more like that. Maybe even though I can't see exactly what it is he's doing, I should see a life full of meaning and purpose.

"Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live."

Observations

I was just having a little chat with my parents about God, as we do every now and then when we find ourselves gathered in the living room with the TV off and no one's doing anything else. Hmmm... was I born in the wrong century, or should this really be a common occurence?
Anyway, that's not the point of my post tonight.

We were talking about how people try to use reason to say that God doesn't exist or that Jesus isn't the Son of God, etc. Then I thought, with spiritual matters you could really argue any side you want to and it could make sense in your mind...

The spiritual cannot be proven. It really all comes down to what you WANT to believe in.

But then, when I think about what I want to believe in, I've observed that there are some really interesting and yet so simple facts that seem to support my beliefs... and yet I know they could be argued by those who want to argue it - any intelligent person who WANTS to believe there is no God can come up with a really smart sounding theory to counter such things as what I'm about to say. But as I said, it all comes down to what you want to believe. This is what I want to believe:

1. MORALITY. Where did we get our ideas of good moral behaviour if not from God? Why does it make us happy to treat others well, and why does it horrify us to hear of bad things being done to innocent children? Why does promiscuity hurt us psychologically? If your answer lies in sociology, it's flawed. Try to think back to the beginning. Where did humans get their ideas of morality in the first place?

2. THE GOSPEL. Jesus wasn't the only person that walked the earth and claimed to be the Messiah. In the book of Acts, the Jewish leaders mentioned that there had been "Christs" before Jesus and their message died out pretty quickly. You have to wonder how the son of a carpenter, a peaceful man with with no political power, a friend of outcasts, became known by millions around the world as Lord and Saviour.

3. SAUL. Saul was a Pharisee, a Jewish leader who was apparently pretty outraged by Christians spreading their message that this Jesus character was the Messiah. He was really against the whole thing but suddenly he had a vision and his life changed. Paul, as he was known from them on, became just like the crazies he hated! He didn't even care if he had to die for the message of Jesus. And he was a brilliant man whose insight into the mysteries of the gospel have had a huge impact on the church.

4. BEAUTY. Do you ever wonder why we react to it? Why should different shapes and colours around us make any difference if we are only made up of matter? Why does beauty make us happy? In fact, why does anything make us happy? Why do we have any emotion at all?

5. SCIENCE. This one I absolutely love to think about. If we didn't have science trying to explain everything (and often doing such a good job), if we didn't know so much of what we know about the way things work in our world... we wouldn't have so much to marvel at when we see miracles. Thanks to science getting better and better, miracles are more amazing than ever.

There are so many more things, but I'm not an apologist. I'm just a guy who appreciates what I consider to be evidence of the truth of my spiritual beliefs. Give me evidence to contradict it, and I'll simply say it's not valid... because this is truly what I believe, and none of us can really prove either side. That, to me, is a comforting thought.

Learning to Be

It's been years since my poetry was about beauty and not bitterness - so now I don't mind sharing. This is an expression of how I experienced God one evening and really appreciated what he's given us. I needed a touch from God so badly, and suddenly I felt his presence, then it was as if all the beauty around me jumped out at me, and God was saying, "Look at this! I made this for you!"

"Learning to Be"

I waited here to see you,
Certain you'd not disappoint.
And all the while my doubts and fears,
Overcame this heart of mine.

A wind, then, swept over me,
A voice echoed through me.
I knew somehow you'd come -
If I'd only just be still.

I saw you dancing with the trees,
Shining with the evening sun.
I almost cried for you,
Tears of utter joy and desire.

You saw my desperate longing,
And rushed by in the crystal stream.
My mind is overwhelmed now;
How powerless am I.

I saw you in the flowers,
Radiating life and joy.
I heard you in so many sounds.
Your voice so subtle and yet so loud.

Life was all around me then,
The truth I certainly cannot deny.
I've waited to see heaven,
And in this moment, heaven is here.

Life is good.

I don't have too much to say tonight, but I'm really thankful right now.

I've had a great day, working on my writing mostly, but also doing a lot of reading. It's been so relaxing and even though I have some stressful things going on, nothing's keeping me down for any length of time, because I've been remembering to ask the Lord to help me. I'd be so confused and depressed if I didn't.

I also believe the healing I've been praying for is happening. I've never heard of anyone praying about allergies, but it's important to me because I didn't always have allergies... they developed over the years and got really bad - and we have animals, so it's terribly difficult at times (there's also the dust - and we're doing renovations). Anyway, I haven't sneezed all day, which really is miraculous. I've been suffering for days with this, pretty well ever since I got home from New York three weeks ago.

God is good - I hope to remember this every day.

Merciful Lord!

Sometimes it can be so hard to trust in God! Today I can only think how gracious and merciful he is to put up with me...

I had a trying day because all at once the reality of my financial situation crashed down on me and I felt really overwhelmed. I had two phone calls about hundreds of dollars of my imaginary money that people expect me to fork out to them immediately. I also have a lot of allergies... and you may wonder what that has to do with anything, but I'll get there.

I feel like I'm allergic to everything. I can't handle dust, dogs or cats and probably some regular summer stuff that can't be avoided in the country. I don't know exactly, but I've been praying to be healed of my allergies because I have horrible sneezing fits all the time and I get headaches from contantly blowing my nose and being stuffed up and sneezing. It's a disaster. I don't believe that it's God's will for me to be on medication all time, and that's why I pray for healing. The body is a temple of the Holy Spirit... it is not to be detroyed with meds. I have strong opinions about it, and I know not everyone would agree with me... but I understand that some people need medication. I don't have a serious illness, so I will be stubborn about it.

So, when all this financial stuff came crashing down on me and I didn't know how to handle it, and I was in the middle of an allergy attack, and I was just plain confused and angry, I said, "Lord, I feel like you've abandoned me!"
I quickly thought better of it and said, "I'm sorry. Please help me, Jesus. I don't have a clue what I need to do."

Suddenly things changed and I just started moving... Instead of depair, I had motivation. I didn't worry or think angry thoughts about people. I mean, I'm the one who put myself in a tough situation financially. Why be angry? So, I did what could be done about my finances, kept focused on what I could do instead of what I couldn't do. I was also happy and completely at peace.

Things like this are the miracles of everyday life that show how merciful our God is! I know I don't change my bad attitudes that quickly. If it was up to me, I'd sit around and mope for days, distracting myself with TV, food and crappy music. But I didn't need distractions. I just needed Jesus and I'm so fortunate that He can forgive me for thinking that he's abandoned me. I feel like the Israelites in the desert (in the book of Exodus), whining to Moses about their circumstances, after all the miracles they'd seen already!

God knows we're a bunch of whiners and life is always going to be too difficult. If it were easy, we wouldn't cry out to him for help.

Proud to be a son of the Almighty God

I'm proud that God is my Father, whatever that means...

If it means I'm not 'cool', I'm proud that He's my God and Father...
If it means people don't understand me...
If it means my faith is not 'culturally relevant'...
If it means I'm mocked...
If it makes me undignified at times...
If it makes it hard to be human...
If I don't feel like I fit in anywhere in this world...
If one day I'm persecuted...
If one day someone decides I should die because of Him...

Nothing in this life matters more than letting people know I'm proud of who I am, because when my life on earth is over, I want to know that I've made a difference. And I don't feel like it's enough of a difference just to be a good guy and have friends. I want people to know that God has made a difference in my life and that I love Him for that. I want people to know that I was depressed without Him, that I wanted to die without Him, but as soon as I let Jesus in, I had hope and peace.
Is my life perfect? No. I'm a recovering alcoholic (only 49 days) and I can't really see the road ahead of me right now. I don't have a job or a car, I don't have a lot of skills and I don't have money. What I do have, though, is peace. How many people have peace when their circumstances don't look promising? How many people would be happy in my shoes? Not enough. It's nothing I've done that makes me happy right now - It's what God is doing for me. And I'm no exception. I'm one of billions of people on the earth that have the opportunity to feel the way I feel now.

Be proud that God is your Father - and if He's not, allow Him to be.

"if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." - Romans 10:9

It's been awhile...

I can hardly believe it's taken me so long to get back to writing my blog... but I figure, who's going to read it at this point. Well, you never know.

God is up to something really amazing in my life right now, and I'm so blessed to be able to say that pretty often. He's up to something amazing in a lot of people's lives all the time! Praise the Lord!

I think sometimes when we say things like "Praise the Lord" and "I'm so blessed", people think we're trying to sound really Christian, and it's so sad. I can totally understand people being tired of a lot of the old Christianese phrases... I'm right there with those people. But at the same time, God is really showing me lately how important praise is.

Philippians 4:4 says, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say rejoice!"

Psalm 150 just keeps telling us to praise God over and over.

I think it really made a difference to me lately when I read somewhere about worship, and they said that the difference between worship and missions (just as a comparison) is that missions is a temporary necessity because we're separated from our Creator. So many people need to know Him and they don't! So for now, we need to help people come to know Him.

But WORSHIP IS ETERNAL! We're going to be praising God forever because that is what He wants and that is what we were created for, and that is when we are truly who we were meant to be. It may sound overly-simplistic, but when you think about it, what other purpose are we going to serve once our lives are over? The work will be done... and what was it all for? It only makes sense that the work we do here is for something. Why does Jesus want us to reach the lost?

He wants us to love Him! Jesus didn't come to earth and suffer because He needs us. I'd have to be crazy to think God needs me. He doesn't need any of us. He loves us.

We, as His people, are blessed and happy when we are fulfilling our true purpose. It's not all about us. What are we, really? I mean, we fight against so many horrible things in our lives. Well, not everyone fights against those things, but those who don't certainly aren't happy.

I can't speak for everyone, but I'd be an absolute disaster without God. I'd hate people without God. I'm only who I am today because of His grace. So I don't have anything to be proud of, except the fact that He's my Father. And if He's created me to be happy when I'm obeying Him and loving Him, then I'm happy to do what's right in His eyes. Maybe that sounds selfish, but that's who we are as humans. I don't think I'd serve God if it made me miserable. Would you? I think the mistake we make too often is thinking we have to sacrifice too much to get to the place where we're happy serving Him. In all reality, He does a lot for us, but we have to take some steps too. We're not going to wake up one morning and find ourselves happy and free. We have to really want it... but it's no sacrifice to serve God. It's far too much of one not to serve Him.