Today I got fed up. I'd had enough. I've been home for three weeks waiting for some clarity for my situation. For those who don't know, I'm not driving right now and we live outside of town... so I can't get a job yet. But I haven't just been waiting. I KNOW there's some purpose to this difficult time. I know that I need to learn to appreciate my talents and use them, instead of thinking they're just hobbies. I need to become ME and not who I think I should be. So I've been working on that (my art, music and all things creative), and I've been working for my parents to give me something to do.Today I got impatient. I started to feel like nothing... like the dirt in the corner of the shed behind a box of Reader's Digest condensed books or something. So, fool that I can be sometimes, I felt a bit sorry for myself and started worrying about my life. Jesus said we shouldn't do that, and I'm learning he was right (as always).
I prayed... or whined. I'm not sure which one. I did something that involved telling God that I've been home for three weeks, which clearly he already knew. And I told him it was such a long time and I still have no idea what to do and I feel like nothing (clearly I haven't learned the lesson I'm supposed to learn yet - see above). And as soon as I told God this, there was a picture in my mind of bones. I sat there confused, looking at the bones I was seeing in my mind and thought it didn't make any sense. But just as I started to think it didn't make any sense, I knew God was speaking to me, and I thought he probably wasn't telling me I was dead meat or anything like that... and I remembered that there was some famous story about bones in Ezekiel (I haven't read that book yet, so I looked it up). It's Ezekiel 37:1-14. Read it! Seriously, it's amazing. If you're reading this and you don't have a Bible, go to biblegateway.com to read it. I don't want to explain it because I won't do it justice.
I knew once I read it that God was trying to tell me it doesn't matter if I think I'm a pile of dirt, or a pile of bones in the backyard leftover from my cat's last meal.
These bones CAN live! My life is not as I see it in times of distress. It has potential. God sees it as a work in progress. He sees all of us that way. He sees so much more than the dry, lifeless bones. He doesn't even see a walking skeleton. He intends to do so much more with our lives when we let him, and I know he's working on me now. Where I am at this point is part of the process.
I would even go so far as to say that when we're feeling low, when we feel like nothing, God sees the end result. Because he cares so deeply for us, he sees the masterpiece - whatever it is he's creating with our lives, and he looks forward to it coming to pass. Maybe I should try to think more like that. Maybe even though I can't see exactly what it is he's doing, I should see a life full of meaning and purpose.
"Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live."
2 comments:
FANTASTIC. This is the third time this week God has talked to me about the fact that He's not through with me; I've got more ahead than behind, etc. Brings me to tears. He is so good.
So in some weird way your blog reminded me of something a friend told me about.
God is a lot like a television. We are on one side, that has all the plugs, wires, holes, and so many gadgets and what not, that we don't know whats coming, whats going, or even what half of the things that surround us are, or what their purpose is. But then we have God, who is on the other side, and he see's the big picture. All of the hard work or lack there of, and all of the uncertainty, is paying off, because God knows what every part of that t.v. is for, and he sees the bigger picture.
For some reason, that brought a lot of peace to my heart as i went through a lot of stuff this past year. God is so big. He's bigger then everything around us and all of your worries. And in times when you worry yourself or feel uncertain about what God is doing, he's looking down on you with big welcoming hands saying "Son, my son, just give it to me. I've already died for this worry, and this purpose. You don't have to have this burden, just trust me my dear son."
So I have seen through your blogs how God has been revealing himself to you in awesome incredible ways. Don't forget about those. Because it's through that, we can find peace and understanding even in the most confusing of situations.
God has big plans for you.
Get excited =]
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