The Treacherous and Beautiful Adventure

Sometimes life doesn't really feel like an adventure and I start to wonder why I gave my blog the name I did. Then all kinds of life changes happen and when I finally get back to blogging, I remember why. Life truly is an adventure... an adventure that is totally involuntary, one that we're on whether we want to be on it or not.

I've recently been on a truly unexpected journey that has brought me to a place in my life that I never expected when the journey began. My move to a new city was very difficult, as I had to deal with the anxiety of adjusting to city life (country boy that I am). For the past few years I've been in the habit of running away every few months because I haven't been able to develop any kind of contentment anywhere I go. I always feel that I need something new and exciting and that I need to make all kinds of elaborate plans for my future. I've recently discovered the error in that.

I currently work as a fundraiser for charity, and have no plans for school. I joined AA (to be very non-anonymous about it) and have been really blessed by that. The process of getting where I am was very long and painful. I wasn't at all satisfied with my jobs or my living situation and I was drinking again. For a long time, I didn't meet anyone in this city and I found it difficult to imagine staying here. I couldn't make sense of my life here and began doubting that there was any reason I'd sensed I should make this move as opposed to other options I considered.

When I was hired as a fundraiser five weeks ago, I was terrified and I tried to quit. However, one of the supervisors saw the flaw in my plan to find a less scary job, and convinced me that I should step out of my comfort zone. So, that's what I did. I stepped out with confidence (if only feigned confidence to begin with), and the result was that I became truly excited about my life, I met many amazing people that I could really connect with and whose company I enjoyed, and I began to grow in so many ways. A week after this job started, I met another alcoholic who took me to my first AA meeting, and instantly my fear of giving up alcohol disappeared. I knew there would never be a good time, and it just simply had to happen.

The result of this new adventure is that I've developed a new level of contentment. I don't feel the need to define myself by a career I intend to pursue in the future, or the program of study I might choose. When asked if I'm a student, the answer is simply, "No. I'm a fundraiser," as opposed to, "Hopefully in the near future". The reason is that I need to be true to myself and live in the present. I am currently not pursuing any course of study or preparing for a certain career. I am simply a man who works at a job I enjoy, has great friends and is appreciating what each day brings. I cannot, at this time in my life, add to today the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow (some AA wisdom), and for now, my greatest desire is to notice the blessings of every moment and to peacefully overcome the challenges of each moment, regretting and holding onto nothing, but always moving forward with a positive attitude, confidence and joy.