Life is amazingly simple and beautiful.
It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking life is really complicated and stressful. But as I'm learning more and more all the time about how to be peaceful through everything, I've had some awesome moments of being able to just step back and think of how small my worries really are, and how when I look at the bigger picture, I love my life. As I remember saying in a previous post, I don't think my life is better than anyone else's. I think I love my life because I choose to.
I have to be honest and say that I have trouble with my job. Although I work with some friends and I'm very thankful to be working with them... and there are many other things about my job I can be thankful for, there are many other things I'd rather be doing. I'm very bored at work and I count down the weeks until Christmas because I only work at this job until then. However, in the monotony of what I'm doing right now, I think I'm learning a lot and being blessed in many ways.
For the first time ever, I'm budgeting every week. I'm paying off all my debts, saving money for school, putting money into an RRSP, still have more money left over than I expect and I'm so baffled by this experience because I've never been good with money. But I trusted God, and knew that if I would just be patient He would help me to get my life in order, and that it would even better than before I ruined everything because of my substance abuse. Now, just 2 months after going back to work, my finances are in order and I've applied for college again. I'm practicing piano, writing music, I've decided to continue with Royal Conservatory, I'm feeling peaceful, the list goes on... and I don't remember ever feeling so emotionally stable.
So, I guess it's true that good things come to those who wait, but I always feel like it's more than that. Somehow I think good things come to those who choose to see the good in their lives. We should count our blessings, not our problems. Blessings and problems both come and go, and we can learn from both. But we can learn the wrong things from problems if we don't count our blessings.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Letting Go
Normally I won't say what I'm about to say because if I made a habit of it, it would never end... but this time I need to make an exception. I just read a book that I highly recommend for everyone if you haven't read it already - The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis. Incredible! I'm a pretty extreme book lover, and that's why I don't recommend all my books to everyone; I restrain myself so I don't start to annoy people with my recommendations.
Anyway, The Great Divorce is short and a very easy read (I say that because not everyone likes reading). But I really believe this book can be life changing. Well, at least attitude-changing. I suppose life-changing is a relative term anyway. My life is always changing and I hope that never stops... I also hope it's always changing for the better, little by little (and sometimes by leaps and bounds, God willing) until I get to heaven.
I never really thought much about how difficult it is for us to let go of ourselves, but this week I'm really getting a better sense of that and learning to recognize thought patterns that are unhealthy. Nothing I can say about what I've learned from C.S. Lewis will really do his book any justice... but I'm really finding a lot of freedom in the thought that nothing we have, and nothing about ourselves really means anything in comparison with the joy of the Lord. There's a real beauty in dying to ourselves.
As Christians we hear so much about dying to ourselves, but it means much more than what we sometimes think. It's not so simple. It means every thought, every attitude, every speck of everything about ourselves we think we need. In a free country, we are so concerned about our rights, our freedom, our individuality and so on. We want to stand out from the crowd, be unique, and we sometimes won't do the right thing because we "have too much self-respect" - just remember, Jesus washed the disciples' feet! The thought of Jesus doing that really puts a lot of us to shame with all our pride and our ideas of self-respect.
Yes, God has given us each a unique personality, but we don't have to try so hard - we don't need to be focused on who we are or the respect we deserve. When we learn to die to ourselves, take up our crosses and humbly follow Jesus, we give him permission to turn our lives and our personalities into something more beautiful than we could have imagined.
When we won't let go of ourselves for the sake of Christ, whatever part of us we insist on keeping eventually turns into something ugly. It contaminates us. C.S Lewis demonstrates in one very memorable part of his book how even love can become ugly if we won't surrender it to God, and make Him the most important part of our lives. If anyone comes before Him, then we do not allow ourselves to truly love. Real love comes from God. Without Him being first in our lives, we don't fully understand the concept.
Anything eternal comes from God. So many things that are so important to us now are going to vanish when we go home to be with God and I think that the more we let go of ourselves now, the more we will have of heaven and the less we will have of hell.
There's a line from a song by Jack Johnson that's been going through my head a lot. He didn't mean exactly the same thing because he was talking about his views of the impact TV has on society - but I feel like it's along the same lines. In this song he said, "If hell is what we want, then hell is what we'll have".
Anyway, The Great Divorce is short and a very easy read (I say that because not everyone likes reading). But I really believe this book can be life changing. Well, at least attitude-changing. I suppose life-changing is a relative term anyway. My life is always changing and I hope that never stops... I also hope it's always changing for the better, little by little (and sometimes by leaps and bounds, God willing) until I get to heaven.
I never really thought much about how difficult it is for us to let go of ourselves, but this week I'm really getting a better sense of that and learning to recognize thought patterns that are unhealthy. Nothing I can say about what I've learned from C.S. Lewis will really do his book any justice... but I'm really finding a lot of freedom in the thought that nothing we have, and nothing about ourselves really means anything in comparison with the joy of the Lord. There's a real beauty in dying to ourselves.
As Christians we hear so much about dying to ourselves, but it means much more than what we sometimes think. It's not so simple. It means every thought, every attitude, every speck of everything about ourselves we think we need. In a free country, we are so concerned about our rights, our freedom, our individuality and so on. We want to stand out from the crowd, be unique, and we sometimes won't do the right thing because we "have too much self-respect" - just remember, Jesus washed the disciples' feet! The thought of Jesus doing that really puts a lot of us to shame with all our pride and our ideas of self-respect.
Yes, God has given us each a unique personality, but we don't have to try so hard - we don't need to be focused on who we are or the respect we deserve. When we learn to die to ourselves, take up our crosses and humbly follow Jesus, we give him permission to turn our lives and our personalities into something more beautiful than we could have imagined.
When we won't let go of ourselves for the sake of Christ, whatever part of us we insist on keeping eventually turns into something ugly. It contaminates us. C.S Lewis demonstrates in one very memorable part of his book how even love can become ugly if we won't surrender it to God, and make Him the most important part of our lives. If anyone comes before Him, then we do not allow ourselves to truly love. Real love comes from God. Without Him being first in our lives, we don't fully understand the concept.
Anything eternal comes from God. So many things that are so important to us now are going to vanish when we go home to be with God and I think that the more we let go of ourselves now, the more we will have of heaven and the less we will have of hell.
There's a line from a song by Jack Johnson that's been going through my head a lot. He didn't mean exactly the same thing because he was talking about his views of the impact TV has on society - but I feel like it's along the same lines. In this song he said, "If hell is what we want, then hell is what we'll have".
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Victory in Jesus
As a person who has struggled with Borderline Personality Disorder (which I like to think of as a "type" not a "disorder"), I often struggle in my spiritual life as well, as I'm sure we all do in different ways. There are times when I think there is something seriously wrong, only to find out later when I think and pray about it that it was only a bad mood that I needed to wilfully change. This is something I'm learning to deal with, and I thank God that the worst of the struggle is over. The Lord has brought me through so much and has taught me how to deal with the psychological issues I've suffered with, and it's really amazing when I think of what would happen to me and how poorly I'd be dealing with my issues if it weren't for Him. Somehow I live a relatively normal life, without the help of medication or psychiatrists (two things that can do more harm than good).
Recently I started working, and work can cause a lot of anxiety for me. I do enjoy my job, but I tend to worry about time... even on weekends, the thought of having a certain amount of time before I have to go back to work can cause anxiety. This is probably very difficult to understand, so I won't try to explain further... I'll go on with my story.
So, on the weekend (after my first week back at work) I was having an awful time with my moods, and didn't go to my newphew's birthday party because I just wanted to be alone to sort things out (but also thinking about how much time I had)... so I stayed home and eventually decided to face whatever it was that was bothering me so much. This was sunday afternoon and all weekend I had thought there was something terribly wrong. I had a lot of thoughts going through my head all of a sudden about being a terrible person and about being an addict, and I had a lot of fear that I would end up wanting to go back to my old lifestyle and that sort of thing... again, wild thought processes that I barely understand myself, so I can't really explain.
I prayed a lot that day. I was at the point where I was determined to do something about my mood before I became self-destructive. And while I was in prayer, I sensed that the Lord was speaking to me about my mental turmoil... and he was saying that all I had to do was claim victory in His name. I never would have thought it was that simple, but as soon as God revealed this to me, I believed it and I claimed victory. It really was that simple. It just isn't God's will for me to feel the way I was feeling, and if I am willing to change the way I'm thinking, he'll always help me.
So, as simplistic as it may sound... I've decided to start claiming victory over ever negative thought, "taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ". (2 Cor. 10:5)
That day I claimed victory over all my negative thoughts and the change that immediately took place in me was miraculous. I haven't felt so much joy in a long time.
It definitely takes a lot of effort sometimes when we struggle with negativity, but God doesn't want us to stay in that kind of mindset. It is definitely possible to change. PRAISE GOD!
Recently I started working, and work can cause a lot of anxiety for me. I do enjoy my job, but I tend to worry about time... even on weekends, the thought of having a certain amount of time before I have to go back to work can cause anxiety. This is probably very difficult to understand, so I won't try to explain further... I'll go on with my story.
So, on the weekend (after my first week back at work) I was having an awful time with my moods, and didn't go to my newphew's birthday party because I just wanted to be alone to sort things out (but also thinking about how much time I had)... so I stayed home and eventually decided to face whatever it was that was bothering me so much. This was sunday afternoon and all weekend I had thought there was something terribly wrong. I had a lot of thoughts going through my head all of a sudden about being a terrible person and about being an addict, and I had a lot of fear that I would end up wanting to go back to my old lifestyle and that sort of thing... again, wild thought processes that I barely understand myself, so I can't really explain.
I prayed a lot that day. I was at the point where I was determined to do something about my mood before I became self-destructive. And while I was in prayer, I sensed that the Lord was speaking to me about my mental turmoil... and he was saying that all I had to do was claim victory in His name. I never would have thought it was that simple, but as soon as God revealed this to me, I believed it and I claimed victory. It really was that simple. It just isn't God's will for me to feel the way I was feeling, and if I am willing to change the way I'm thinking, he'll always help me.
So, as simplistic as it may sound... I've decided to start claiming victory over ever negative thought, "taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ". (2 Cor. 10:5)
That day I claimed victory over all my negative thoughts and the change that immediately took place in me was miraculous. I haven't felt so much joy in a long time.
It definitely takes a lot of effort sometimes when we struggle with negativity, but God doesn't want us to stay in that kind of mindset. It is definitely possible to change. PRAISE GOD!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Between the Lines
When you're always trying to read between the lines, too often you miss what's on the lines.
So often we get caught between the lines, reading imaginary words, causing us to miss what's really there and to worry about what may or may not be there.
How often when speaking to others do we purposely put things between the lines? I wish I didn't do that. If I never did that, people who know me well would always take my words at face value. I believe that by the grace of God it's possible... but it's not easy. I do write between the lines and I do read between the lines.
I'm tired of being between the lines.
So often we get caught between the lines, reading imaginary words, causing us to miss what's really there and to worry about what may or may not be there.
How often when speaking to others do we purposely put things between the lines? I wish I didn't do that. If I never did that, people who know me well would always take my words at face value. I believe that by the grace of God it's possible... but it's not easy. I do write between the lines and I do read between the lines.
I'm tired of being between the lines.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Love Like a Child
So, I'm thinking about love today... and yesterday... well, probably for a few days. I don't know, but that's what's on my mind and I realize that's just something that is fundamental to the Christian faith, but I think it's something we have a hard time with. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm not naturally a loving person. It takes effort. But I used to be really loving...
... Then I grew up. Why does that always have to happen? Anyway, society taught me some very sad lessons:
1. Not everyone is good.
2. Not everyone deserves kindness.
3. If you're really poor and you're not a university student, you're worthless.
Then I grew up some more and realized I still want to love people. I want to believe that everyone deserves kindness. Jesus didn't stick his nose in the air if he was approached by a beggar or a prostitute or a murderer. He healed them, he loved them and he forgave them.
When Jesus told the disciples to let the children come to him he said, "the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" then he went on to say that we need to receive the kingdom of God like children. We speak of 'faith like a child', and I'm sure that's part of it. But what about loving like children? I think the love of children is a pure and innocent love that doesn't judge. My heart breaks when I think of all the people who are not shown love by Christians because they're just 'not good people'. And we act as if civility is good enough... Let's give people more credit than that! If we are just civil because we don't want to show our disdain, we are doing wrong. Anyone can detect when you have an air of superiority, and it's highly offensive. Don't think manners can mask it.
In Bible college, I got talking to some people about this one day, and one of my friends said she'd have trouble showing love to a murderer... but she wasn't saying it like it was a confession. It wasn't like, "I have trouble with this and I know it's wrong". It was more like, "That's where I draw the line." And I was so saddened by it. I've never forgotten that moment because this girl I really respected for her deep faith in Jesus was forgetting how deep his love is! Maybe it really hit me because I'd just read Crime and Punishment. I know I am also guilty of forgetting how deep the love of God is.
I've been really heartbroken lately over things I've read about other places in the world. There is so much need, and it's more than just the fact that people are poor and starving. There's so much hate in the world, and I want no part of it except to help people see that there's a better way. But as I think about it now, I'm thinking of all the need in our own country, and all the people I saw when I lived in the city who need love. I never stop and talk to people who are begging on the street. How much difference does a bit of change make? A lot of them spend it on things that are killing them. But I wonder if I could make a difference in someone's life by stopping for a couple minutes and having a conversation. I wonder what could happen if each time I stop to give someone change I also treat them with the respect they deserve as human beings, so they know that I don't think I'm above them, even so that I understand I'm not above them. ... I want to be like Jesus and act like I'm just another person in their midst.
But I'm not Jesus - How is it that I act like I'm better than others, and HE didn't??? If only I could fully grasp the concept that I am just another person in the midst of all others who deserve love...
... Let's love like children. Let's love like we mean it!
... Then I grew up. Why does that always have to happen? Anyway, society taught me some very sad lessons:
1. Not everyone is good.
2. Not everyone deserves kindness.
3. If you're really poor and you're not a university student, you're worthless.
Then I grew up some more and realized I still want to love people. I want to believe that everyone deserves kindness. Jesus didn't stick his nose in the air if he was approached by a beggar or a prostitute or a murderer. He healed them, he loved them and he forgave them.
When Jesus told the disciples to let the children come to him he said, "the kingdom of God belongs to such as these" then he went on to say that we need to receive the kingdom of God like children. We speak of 'faith like a child', and I'm sure that's part of it. But what about loving like children? I think the love of children is a pure and innocent love that doesn't judge. My heart breaks when I think of all the people who are not shown love by Christians because they're just 'not good people'. And we act as if civility is good enough... Let's give people more credit than that! If we are just civil because we don't want to show our disdain, we are doing wrong. Anyone can detect when you have an air of superiority, and it's highly offensive. Don't think manners can mask it.
In Bible college, I got talking to some people about this one day, and one of my friends said she'd have trouble showing love to a murderer... but she wasn't saying it like it was a confession. It wasn't like, "I have trouble with this and I know it's wrong". It was more like, "That's where I draw the line." And I was so saddened by it. I've never forgotten that moment because this girl I really respected for her deep faith in Jesus was forgetting how deep his love is! Maybe it really hit me because I'd just read Crime and Punishment. I know I am also guilty of forgetting how deep the love of God is.
I've been really heartbroken lately over things I've read about other places in the world. There is so much need, and it's more than just the fact that people are poor and starving. There's so much hate in the world, and I want no part of it except to help people see that there's a better way. But as I think about it now, I'm thinking of all the need in our own country, and all the people I saw when I lived in the city who need love. I never stop and talk to people who are begging on the street. How much difference does a bit of change make? A lot of them spend it on things that are killing them. But I wonder if I could make a difference in someone's life by stopping for a couple minutes and having a conversation. I wonder what could happen if each time I stop to give someone change I also treat them with the respect they deserve as human beings, so they know that I don't think I'm above them, even so that I understand I'm not above them. ... I want to be like Jesus and act like I'm just another person in their midst.
But I'm not Jesus - How is it that I act like I'm better than others, and HE didn't??? If only I could fully grasp the concept that I am just another person in the midst of all others who deserve love...
... Let's love like children. Let's love like we mean it!
Friday, August 31, 2007
Things are happening...
I haven't posted anything for awhile because for some reason I keep thinking I have nothing to say... so tonight I decided I'm going to write something anyway.
I've had a busy and interesting week, full of all kinds of art and music. I'm writing music again which is amazing. I love writing music, but it seems that apart from God, I can't do it. I just don't feel like writing anything. Now that I'm making an effort to seek the Lord every day, I'm more inspired to play and write music.
Again, God is really good! If you read my last post, you kind of have an idea of what's been going on in my life and how the Lord's been telling me to stop feeling like nothing and be happy with whatever's going on.
Well, I got a call yesterday from a friend who lives around the corner and has a business installing windows. I've worked for him twice in the past, and didn't want to ask for a job again because I had a rough time last year and kind of let him down on a few occasions. But he asked me to go back, and I feel like the timing is pefect. I've been home for a month, and I think I'm really making progress with learning to be content... now I'm just getting bored. I'm going to have to learn to manage my time better, because I do want to be very productive with my creative abilities, but I also really want to work.
I have a lot (this is the part I want to emphasize)... A LOT... of debt that's gotten out of hand, and I've never really managed my money well. Someone from the bank called me last week and asked me to come in and talk to him about saving and rebuilding credit. My appointment was yesterday. I almost cancelled because I didn't feel like talking to someone about savings when I don't have any to save right now. But I decided that I should go, to at least discuss what I can do in the future. It was about 20 minutes before my appointment that I got a call about the job. So I went into the bank and was able to say I'm going back to work, and I set up a savings plan.
Praise God! I love how things just fall into place when I'm trusting Him. It makes me wonder how there are still times when I doubt and worry.
I've had a busy and interesting week, full of all kinds of art and music. I'm writing music again which is amazing. I love writing music, but it seems that apart from God, I can't do it. I just don't feel like writing anything. Now that I'm making an effort to seek the Lord every day, I'm more inspired to play and write music.
Again, God is really good! If you read my last post, you kind of have an idea of what's been going on in my life and how the Lord's been telling me to stop feeling like nothing and be happy with whatever's going on.
Well, I got a call yesterday from a friend who lives around the corner and has a business installing windows. I've worked for him twice in the past, and didn't want to ask for a job again because I had a rough time last year and kind of let him down on a few occasions. But he asked me to go back, and I feel like the timing is pefect. I've been home for a month, and I think I'm really making progress with learning to be content... now I'm just getting bored. I'm going to have to learn to manage my time better, because I do want to be very productive with my creative abilities, but I also really want to work.
I have a lot (this is the part I want to emphasize)... A LOT... of debt that's gotten out of hand, and I've never really managed my money well. Someone from the bank called me last week and asked me to come in and talk to him about saving and rebuilding credit. My appointment was yesterday. I almost cancelled because I didn't feel like talking to someone about savings when I don't have any to save right now. But I decided that I should go, to at least discuss what I can do in the future. It was about 20 minutes before my appointment that I got a call about the job. So I went into the bank and was able to say I'm going back to work, and I set up a savings plan.
Praise God! I love how things just fall into place when I'm trusting Him. It makes me wonder how there are still times when I doubt and worry.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Can These Bones Live?
Today I got fed up. I'd had enough. I've been home for three weeks waiting for some clarity for my situation. For those who don't know, I'm not driving right now and we live outside of town... so I can't get a job yet. But I haven't just been waiting. I KNOW there's some purpose to this difficult time. I know that I need to learn to appreciate my talents and use them, instead of thinking they're just hobbies. I need to become ME and not who I think I should be. So I've been working on that (my art, music and all things creative), and I've been working for my parents to give me something to do.Today I got impatient. I started to feel like nothing... like the dirt in the corner of the shed behind a box of Reader's Digest condensed books or something. So, fool that I can be sometimes, I felt a bit sorry for myself and started worrying about my life. Jesus said we shouldn't do that, and I'm learning he was right (as always).
I prayed... or whined. I'm not sure which one. I did something that involved telling God that I've been home for three weeks, which clearly he already knew. And I told him it was such a long time and I still have no idea what to do and I feel like nothing (clearly I haven't learned the lesson I'm supposed to learn yet - see above). And as soon as I told God this, there was a picture in my mind of bones. I sat there confused, looking at the bones I was seeing in my mind and thought it didn't make any sense. But just as I started to think it didn't make any sense, I knew God was speaking to me, and I thought he probably wasn't telling me I was dead meat or anything like that... and I remembered that there was some famous story about bones in Ezekiel (I haven't read that book yet, so I looked it up). It's Ezekiel 37:1-14. Read it! Seriously, it's amazing. If you're reading this and you don't have a Bible, go to biblegateway.com to read it. I don't want to explain it because I won't do it justice.
I knew once I read it that God was trying to tell me it doesn't matter if I think I'm a pile of dirt, or a pile of bones in the backyard leftover from my cat's last meal.
These bones CAN live! My life is not as I see it in times of distress. It has potential. God sees it as a work in progress. He sees all of us that way. He sees so much more than the dry, lifeless bones. He doesn't even see a walking skeleton. He intends to do so much more with our lives when we let him, and I know he's working on me now. Where I am at this point is part of the process.
I would even go so far as to say that when we're feeling low, when we feel like nothing, God sees the end result. Because he cares so deeply for us, he sees the masterpiece - whatever it is he's creating with our lives, and he looks forward to it coming to pass. Maybe I should try to think more like that. Maybe even though I can't see exactly what it is he's doing, I should see a life full of meaning and purpose.
"Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe into these slain, that they may live."
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Observations
I was just having a little chat with my parents about God, as we do every now and then when we find ourselves gathered in the living room with the TV off and no one's doing anything else. Hmmm... was I born in the wrong century, or should this really be a common occurence?
Anyway, that's not the point of my post tonight.
We were talking about how people try to use reason to say that God doesn't exist or that Jesus isn't the Son of God, etc. Then I thought, with spiritual matters you could really argue any side you want to and it could make sense in your mind...
The spiritual cannot be proven. It really all comes down to what you WANT to believe in.
But then, when I think about what I want to believe in, I've observed that there are some really interesting and yet so simple facts that seem to support my beliefs... and yet I know they could be argued by those who want to argue it - any intelligent person who WANTS to believe there is no God can come up with a really smart sounding theory to counter such things as what I'm about to say. But as I said, it all comes down to what you want to believe. This is what I want to believe:
1. MORALITY. Where did we get our ideas of good moral behaviour if not from God? Why does it make us happy to treat others well, and why does it horrify us to hear of bad things being done to innocent children? Why does promiscuity hurt us psychologically? If your answer lies in sociology, it's flawed. Try to think back to the beginning. Where did humans get their ideas of morality in the first place?
2. THE GOSPEL. Jesus wasn't the only person that walked the earth and claimed to be the Messiah. In the book of Acts, the Jewish leaders mentioned that there had been "Christs" before Jesus and their message died out pretty quickly. You have to wonder how the son of a carpenter, a peaceful man with with no political power, a friend of outcasts, became known by millions around the world as Lord and Saviour.
3. SAUL. Saul was a Pharisee, a Jewish leader who was apparently pretty outraged by Christians spreading their message that this Jesus character was the Messiah. He was really against the whole thing but suddenly he had a vision and his life changed. Paul, as he was known from them on, became just like the crazies he hated! He didn't even care if he had to die for the message of Jesus. And he was a brilliant man whose insight into the mysteries of the gospel have had a huge impact on the church.
4. BEAUTY. Do you ever wonder why we react to it? Why should different shapes and colours around us make any difference if we are only made up of matter? Why does beauty make us happy? In fact, why does anything make us happy? Why do we have any emotion at all?
5. SCIENCE. This one I absolutely love to think about. If we didn't have science trying to explain everything (and often doing such a good job), if we didn't know so much of what we know about the way things work in our world... we wouldn't have so much to marvel at when we see miracles. Thanks to science getting better and better, miracles are more amazing than ever.
There are so many more things, but I'm not an apologist. I'm just a guy who appreciates what I consider to be evidence of the truth of my spiritual beliefs. Give me evidence to contradict it, and I'll simply say it's not valid... because this is truly what I believe, and none of us can really prove either side. That, to me, is a comforting thought.
Anyway, that's not the point of my post tonight.
We were talking about how people try to use reason to say that God doesn't exist or that Jesus isn't the Son of God, etc. Then I thought, with spiritual matters you could really argue any side you want to and it could make sense in your mind...
The spiritual cannot be proven. It really all comes down to what you WANT to believe in.
But then, when I think about what I want to believe in, I've observed that there are some really interesting and yet so simple facts that seem to support my beliefs... and yet I know they could be argued by those who want to argue it - any intelligent person who WANTS to believe there is no God can come up with a really smart sounding theory to counter such things as what I'm about to say. But as I said, it all comes down to what you want to believe. This is what I want to believe:
1. MORALITY. Where did we get our ideas of good moral behaviour if not from God? Why does it make us happy to treat others well, and why does it horrify us to hear of bad things being done to innocent children? Why does promiscuity hurt us psychologically? If your answer lies in sociology, it's flawed. Try to think back to the beginning. Where did humans get their ideas of morality in the first place?
2. THE GOSPEL. Jesus wasn't the only person that walked the earth and claimed to be the Messiah. In the book of Acts, the Jewish leaders mentioned that there had been "Christs" before Jesus and their message died out pretty quickly. You have to wonder how the son of a carpenter, a peaceful man with with no political power, a friend of outcasts, became known by millions around the world as Lord and Saviour.
3. SAUL. Saul was a Pharisee, a Jewish leader who was apparently pretty outraged by Christians spreading their message that this Jesus character was the Messiah. He was really against the whole thing but suddenly he had a vision and his life changed. Paul, as he was known from them on, became just like the crazies he hated! He didn't even care if he had to die for the message of Jesus. And he was a brilliant man whose insight into the mysteries of the gospel have had a huge impact on the church.
4. BEAUTY. Do you ever wonder why we react to it? Why should different shapes and colours around us make any difference if we are only made up of matter? Why does beauty make us happy? In fact, why does anything make us happy? Why do we have any emotion at all?
5. SCIENCE. This one I absolutely love to think about. If we didn't have science trying to explain everything (and often doing such a good job), if we didn't know so much of what we know about the way things work in our world... we wouldn't have so much to marvel at when we see miracles. Thanks to science getting better and better, miracles are more amazing than ever.
There are so many more things, but I'm not an apologist. I'm just a guy who appreciates what I consider to be evidence of the truth of my spiritual beliefs. Give me evidence to contradict it, and I'll simply say it's not valid... because this is truly what I believe, and none of us can really prove either side. That, to me, is a comforting thought.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Learning to Be
It's been years since my poetry was about beauty and not bitterness - so now I don't mind sharing. This is an expression of how I experienced God one evening and really appreciated what he's given us. I needed a touch from God so badly, and suddenly I felt his presence, then it was as if all the beauty around me jumped out at me, and God was saying, "Look at this! I made this for you!"
"Learning to Be"
I waited here to see you,
Certain you'd not disappoint.
And all the while my doubts and fears,
Overcame this heart of mine.
A wind, then, swept over me,
A voice echoed through me.
I knew somehow you'd come -
If I'd only just be still.
I saw you dancing with the trees,
Shining with the evening sun.
I almost cried for you,
Tears of utter joy and desire.
You saw my desperate longing,
And rushed by in the crystal stream.
My mind is overwhelmed now;
How powerless am I.
I saw you in the flowers,
Radiating life and joy.
I heard you in so many sounds.
Your voice so subtle and yet so loud.
Life was all around me then,
The truth I certainly cannot deny.
I've waited to see heaven,
And in this moment, heaven is here.
"Learning to Be"
I waited here to see you,
Certain you'd not disappoint.
And all the while my doubts and fears,
Overcame this heart of mine.
A wind, then, swept over me,
A voice echoed through me.
I knew somehow you'd come -
If I'd only just be still.
I saw you dancing with the trees,
Shining with the evening sun.
I almost cried for you,
Tears of utter joy and desire.
You saw my desperate longing,
And rushed by in the crystal stream.
My mind is overwhelmed now;
How powerless am I.
I saw you in the flowers,
Radiating life and joy.
I heard you in so many sounds.
Your voice so subtle and yet so loud.
Life was all around me then,
The truth I certainly cannot deny.
I've waited to see heaven,
And in this moment, heaven is here.
Life is good.
I don't have too much to say tonight, but I'm really thankful right now.
I've had a great day, working on my writing mostly, but also doing a lot of reading. It's been so relaxing and even though I have some stressful things going on, nothing's keeping me down for any length of time, because I've been remembering to ask the Lord to help me. I'd be so confused and depressed if I didn't.
I also believe the healing I've been praying for is happening. I've never heard of anyone praying about allergies, but it's important to me because I didn't always have allergies... they developed over the years and got really bad - and we have animals, so it's terribly difficult at times (there's also the dust - and we're doing renovations). Anyway, I haven't sneezed all day, which really is miraculous. I've been suffering for days with this, pretty well ever since I got home from New York three weeks ago.
God is good - I hope to remember this every day.
I've had a great day, working on my writing mostly, but also doing a lot of reading. It's been so relaxing and even though I have some stressful things going on, nothing's keeping me down for any length of time, because I've been remembering to ask the Lord to help me. I'd be so confused and depressed if I didn't.
I also believe the healing I've been praying for is happening. I've never heard of anyone praying about allergies, but it's important to me because I didn't always have allergies... they developed over the years and got really bad - and we have animals, so it's terribly difficult at times (there's also the dust - and we're doing renovations). Anyway, I haven't sneezed all day, which really is miraculous. I've been suffering for days with this, pretty well ever since I got home from New York three weeks ago.
God is good - I hope to remember this every day.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Merciful Lord!
Sometimes it can be so hard to trust in God! Today I can only think how gracious and merciful he is to put up with me...
I had a trying day because all at once the reality of my financial situation crashed down on me and I felt really overwhelmed. I had two phone calls about hundreds of dollars of my imaginary money that people expect me to fork out to them immediately. I also have a lot of allergies... and you may wonder what that has to do with anything, but I'll get there.
I feel like I'm allergic to everything. I can't handle dust, dogs or cats and probably some regular summer stuff that can't be avoided in the country. I don't know exactly, but I've been praying to be healed of my allergies because I have horrible sneezing fits all the time and I get headaches from contantly blowing my nose and being stuffed up and sneezing. It's a disaster. I don't believe that it's God's will for me to be on medication all time, and that's why I pray for healing. The body is a temple of the Holy Spirit... it is not to be detroyed with meds. I have strong opinions about it, and I know not everyone would agree with me... but I understand that some people need medication. I don't have a serious illness, so I will be stubborn about it.
So, when all this financial stuff came crashing down on me and I didn't know how to handle it, and I was in the middle of an allergy attack, and I was just plain confused and angry, I said, "Lord, I feel like you've abandoned me!"
I quickly thought better of it and said, "I'm sorry. Please help me, Jesus. I don't have a clue what I need to do."
Suddenly things changed and I just started moving... Instead of depair, I had motivation. I didn't worry or think angry thoughts about people. I mean, I'm the one who put myself in a tough situation financially. Why be angry? So, I did what could be done about my finances, kept focused on what I could do instead of what I couldn't do. I was also happy and completely at peace.
Things like this are the miracles of everyday life that show how merciful our God is! I know I don't change my bad attitudes that quickly. If it was up to me, I'd sit around and mope for days, distracting myself with TV, food and crappy music. But I didn't need distractions. I just needed Jesus and I'm so fortunate that He can forgive me for thinking that he's abandoned me. I feel like the Israelites in the desert (in the book of Exodus), whining to Moses about their circumstances, after all the miracles they'd seen already!
God knows we're a bunch of whiners and life is always going to be too difficult. If it were easy, we wouldn't cry out to him for help.
I had a trying day because all at once the reality of my financial situation crashed down on me and I felt really overwhelmed. I had two phone calls about hundreds of dollars of my imaginary money that people expect me to fork out to them immediately. I also have a lot of allergies... and you may wonder what that has to do with anything, but I'll get there.
I feel like I'm allergic to everything. I can't handle dust, dogs or cats and probably some regular summer stuff that can't be avoided in the country. I don't know exactly, but I've been praying to be healed of my allergies because I have horrible sneezing fits all the time and I get headaches from contantly blowing my nose and being stuffed up and sneezing. It's a disaster. I don't believe that it's God's will for me to be on medication all time, and that's why I pray for healing. The body is a temple of the Holy Spirit... it is not to be detroyed with meds. I have strong opinions about it, and I know not everyone would agree with me... but I understand that some people need medication. I don't have a serious illness, so I will be stubborn about it.
So, when all this financial stuff came crashing down on me and I didn't know how to handle it, and I was in the middle of an allergy attack, and I was just plain confused and angry, I said, "Lord, I feel like you've abandoned me!"
I quickly thought better of it and said, "I'm sorry. Please help me, Jesus. I don't have a clue what I need to do."
Suddenly things changed and I just started moving... Instead of depair, I had motivation. I didn't worry or think angry thoughts about people. I mean, I'm the one who put myself in a tough situation financially. Why be angry? So, I did what could be done about my finances, kept focused on what I could do instead of what I couldn't do. I was also happy and completely at peace.
Things like this are the miracles of everyday life that show how merciful our God is! I know I don't change my bad attitudes that quickly. If it was up to me, I'd sit around and mope for days, distracting myself with TV, food and crappy music. But I didn't need distractions. I just needed Jesus and I'm so fortunate that He can forgive me for thinking that he's abandoned me. I feel like the Israelites in the desert (in the book of Exodus), whining to Moses about their circumstances, after all the miracles they'd seen already!
God knows we're a bunch of whiners and life is always going to be too difficult. If it were easy, we wouldn't cry out to him for help.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Proud to be a son of the Almighty God
I'm proud that God is my Father, whatever that means...
If it means I'm not 'cool', I'm proud that He's my God and Father...
If it means people don't understand me...
If it means my faith is not 'culturally relevant'...
If it means I'm mocked...
If it makes me undignified at times...
If it makes it hard to be human...
If I don't feel like I fit in anywhere in this world...
If one day I'm persecuted...
If one day someone decides I should die because of Him...
Nothing in this life matters more than letting people know I'm proud of who I am, because when my life on earth is over, I want to know that I've made a difference. And I don't feel like it's enough of a difference just to be a good guy and have friends. I want people to know that God has made a difference in my life and that I love Him for that. I want people to know that I was depressed without Him, that I wanted to die without Him, but as soon as I let Jesus in, I had hope and peace.
Is my life perfect? No. I'm a recovering alcoholic (only 49 days) and I can't really see the road ahead of me right now. I don't have a job or a car, I don't have a lot of skills and I don't have money. What I do have, though, is peace. How many people have peace when their circumstances don't look promising? How many people would be happy in my shoes? Not enough. It's nothing I've done that makes me happy right now - It's what God is doing for me. And I'm no exception. I'm one of billions of people on the earth that have the opportunity to feel the way I feel now.
Be proud that God is your Father - and if He's not, allow Him to be.
"if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." - Romans 10:9
If it means I'm not 'cool', I'm proud that He's my God and Father...
If it means people don't understand me...
If it means my faith is not 'culturally relevant'...
If it means I'm mocked...
If it makes me undignified at times...
If it makes it hard to be human...
If I don't feel like I fit in anywhere in this world...
If one day I'm persecuted...
If one day someone decides I should die because of Him...
Nothing in this life matters more than letting people know I'm proud of who I am, because when my life on earth is over, I want to know that I've made a difference. And I don't feel like it's enough of a difference just to be a good guy and have friends. I want people to know that God has made a difference in my life and that I love Him for that. I want people to know that I was depressed without Him, that I wanted to die without Him, but as soon as I let Jesus in, I had hope and peace.
Is my life perfect? No. I'm a recovering alcoholic (only 49 days) and I can't really see the road ahead of me right now. I don't have a job or a car, I don't have a lot of skills and I don't have money. What I do have, though, is peace. How many people have peace when their circumstances don't look promising? How many people would be happy in my shoes? Not enough. It's nothing I've done that makes me happy right now - It's what God is doing for me. And I'm no exception. I'm one of billions of people on the earth that have the opportunity to feel the way I feel now.
Be proud that God is your Father - and if He's not, allow Him to be.
"if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." - Romans 10:9
Saturday, August 18, 2007
It's been awhile...
I can hardly believe it's taken me so long to get back to writing my blog... but I figure, who's going to read it at this point. Well, you never know.
God is up to something really amazing in my life right now, and I'm so blessed to be able to say that pretty often. He's up to something amazing in a lot of people's lives all the time! Praise the Lord!
I think sometimes when we say things like "Praise the Lord" and "I'm so blessed", people think we're trying to sound really Christian, and it's so sad. I can totally understand people being tired of a lot of the old Christianese phrases... I'm right there with those people. But at the same time, God is really showing me lately how important praise is.
Philippians 4:4 says, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say rejoice!"
Psalm 150 just keeps telling us to praise God over and over.
I think it really made a difference to me lately when I read somewhere about worship, and they said that the difference between worship and missions (just as a comparison) is that missions is a temporary necessity because we're separated from our Creator. So many people need to know Him and they don't! So for now, we need to help people come to know Him.
But WORSHIP IS ETERNAL! We're going to be praising God forever because that is what He wants and that is what we were created for, and that is when we are truly who we were meant to be. It may sound overly-simplistic, but when you think about it, what other purpose are we going to serve once our lives are over? The work will be done... and what was it all for? It only makes sense that the work we do here is for something. Why does Jesus want us to reach the lost?
He wants us to love Him! Jesus didn't come to earth and suffer because He needs us. I'd have to be crazy to think God needs me. He doesn't need any of us. He loves us.
We, as His people, are blessed and happy when we are fulfilling our true purpose. It's not all about us. What are we, really? I mean, we fight against so many horrible things in our lives. Well, not everyone fights against those things, but those who don't certainly aren't happy.
I can't speak for everyone, but I'd be an absolute disaster without God. I'd hate people without God. I'm only who I am today because of His grace. So I don't have anything to be proud of, except the fact that He's my Father. And if He's created me to be happy when I'm obeying Him and loving Him, then I'm happy to do what's right in His eyes. Maybe that sounds selfish, but that's who we are as humans. I don't think I'd serve God if it made me miserable. Would you? I think the mistake we make too often is thinking we have to sacrifice too much to get to the place where we're happy serving Him. In all reality, He does a lot for us, but we have to take some steps too. We're not going to wake up one morning and find ourselves happy and free. We have to really want it... but it's no sacrifice to serve God. It's far too much of one not to serve Him.
God is up to something really amazing in my life right now, and I'm so blessed to be able to say that pretty often. He's up to something amazing in a lot of people's lives all the time! Praise the Lord!
I think sometimes when we say things like "Praise the Lord" and "I'm so blessed", people think we're trying to sound really Christian, and it's so sad. I can totally understand people being tired of a lot of the old Christianese phrases... I'm right there with those people. But at the same time, God is really showing me lately how important praise is.
Philippians 4:4 says, "Rejoice in the Lord always; again, I will say rejoice!"
Psalm 150 just keeps telling us to praise God over and over.
I think it really made a difference to me lately when I read somewhere about worship, and they said that the difference between worship and missions (just as a comparison) is that missions is a temporary necessity because we're separated from our Creator. So many people need to know Him and they don't! So for now, we need to help people come to know Him.
But WORSHIP IS ETERNAL! We're going to be praising God forever because that is what He wants and that is what we were created for, and that is when we are truly who we were meant to be. It may sound overly-simplistic, but when you think about it, what other purpose are we going to serve once our lives are over? The work will be done... and what was it all for? It only makes sense that the work we do here is for something. Why does Jesus want us to reach the lost?
He wants us to love Him! Jesus didn't come to earth and suffer because He needs us. I'd have to be crazy to think God needs me. He doesn't need any of us. He loves us.
We, as His people, are blessed and happy when we are fulfilling our true purpose. It's not all about us. What are we, really? I mean, we fight against so many horrible things in our lives. Well, not everyone fights against those things, but those who don't certainly aren't happy.
I can't speak for everyone, but I'd be an absolute disaster without God. I'd hate people without God. I'm only who I am today because of His grace. So I don't have anything to be proud of, except the fact that He's my Father. And if He's created me to be happy when I'm obeying Him and loving Him, then I'm happy to do what's right in His eyes. Maybe that sounds selfish, but that's who we are as humans. I don't think I'd serve God if it made me miserable. Would you? I think the mistake we make too often is thinking we have to sacrifice too much to get to the place where we're happy serving Him. In all reality, He does a lot for us, but we have to take some steps too. We're not going to wake up one morning and find ourselves happy and free. We have to really want it... but it's no sacrifice to serve God. It's far too much of one not to serve Him.
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